My Life As of Late

Unexpected twists and turns

Never staying the same

Life isn't what I thought it'd be,
it isn't just a game.

You wonder if things are right
but they turn out how they should.
I never thought after a loss so great
I could feel this good.

Blessings are everywhere,
I cannot count them all.
It does not matter what their size
some are big and some are small.

People of each variety.
Look at the sight to be seen
friends, family, and fellowship
but some are in-between.

Rising to the occasion
to make this holiday sweet.
I can't stop beaming
and my worries take a backseat.

They ask me the reason,
of this I have no shame.
But I will give one hint...
it's all in a name.

A Rant Before Thanksgiving

Lately I've had spiritual things on my mind and my posts have been pretty inspirational due to that. So I'm warning you that today I'm taking a turn.

It feels that everything goes back to my brother, but as my mom has said, "I never want to go back to who I was on October 9th." Since Andrew passed I've been thinking 'What is the point of the daily struggle?' I'm talking about the day to day small things like going to work, coming home, paying bills, and all the humdrum of life. What's the point of all of that when I know what the most important things are in life? Family and the gospel. As I've been pondering this, I think God cares about what we dedicate our life to…and I think He'd like us to go through out our day and still be able to remember Him and do as He would do amidst trials and even the ordinary days of life. 

That being said, since I have found that temporal things do matter, I wanted to talk about Obamacare. Yes, that's what all this was leading up to. I've always been interested in politics and I've always had an opinion, whether shared or not. I want people to see how it's directly affecting my life. 

I am a single 25 year old woman. I will be 26 in January. Ding ding ding…I'm on my mom's insurance until that point. I have a job as a special needs teacher for a private school. Yes, I got my degree and I'm putting it to use. But I work 29.5 hours per week, therefore I do not receive benefits with my "part time" job. I need to figure out something fast and it's weighing on my mind. I could go the route of just not caring about the fines and just go with out insurance.

Oh wait…yeah…I have Type 1 Diabetes.

Something I couldn't have prevented with diet and exercise, just to debunk any myths about that. I can't just take the penalty and hope for the best on my health. I need quarterly check ups, yearly eye exams, prescriptions, and insulin pump supplies. It would be very costly with out insurance, and already is WITH insurance.

More and more businesses are cutting back hours so they won't have to provide insurance. More and more jobs are less likely to have benefit options. It's all because of the "affordable care act". I'm sure there are more out there who's job options have been limited because of Obamacare. There are a lot more people who work two part time jobs with no benefits to make ends meet. It's "helping" those who don't have employment but hurting those who do. The job market is suffering because of this tax, because it is a tax, to help those who are NOT working to get coverage. Obamacare: "No job required!"

So why shouldn't I just get Obamacare? Are you kidding me!?! Have you seen the glitches in the website?? You know why? They're trying to cover up the cost. I'm opting out. If I don't have to get it, I won't. All in all, the federal government shouldn't have any say over my health and the cost of it.

Now I'm in a pickle. It's either seek new employment, or pay out of pocket for individual insurance.

It'll all come to pass too soon…

Just being me,
Arica

Waiting

Before I even start this…I want everyone to know that I did not come up with this  entire analogy, but I did come up with a portion. I had to share it though, people need to know about it.

I went to a CORN MAZE last Saturday. I've been wanting to go for months, and my good friend made it happen per my request. We got a group of seven people to go through the maze together. It was the official Amazing Maize Maze. I like this one because it's not just, go in and try and find your way out, they have little stops along the way that allow you to gain map pieces so you can eventually lead yourself back out of the maze. My family used to go every couple years and got way into it. My goal is always to complete the map, even if I could get out of the maze with out all of the pieces, I love finding all of the mail boxes and having a complete map at the end.

My group came up to the beginning of the maze and there was a guide there to instruct us on the rules and our objective. He said, "No running, no smoking, and don't cut through the corn. Your objective, get out." He handed us a map that was essentially blank, but had spaces for twelve squares. My friend compared this to the pre-mortal life: we're given instructions before we come to this earth, some of which we forget, but we are given the commandments to follow. We're also given a way to come back to the start, but we need to live our lives to find out where we've been and where we need to go. The map pieces could be a number of things: our scriptures, patriarchal blessing, or counsel of the prophets.

We entered the corn maze, which is the a symbol of the world or our earthly journey. We were given a flag to communicate with people in the tower above (the maze master). They could see the entire maze and we'd wave the flag up and down or side to side to indicate that we needed help. This was compared to prayer and receiving answers to those prayers. The point is, we had to ask for the help.  As we went along we also could see kernels of knowledge, which tell you a little history of the area. I would liken that to personal revelation, where you get those "aha" moments in your life. We also walked around and searched for each map piece, as a group or "family".

At one point we were trying to get the last couple map pieces and we sought guidance from a maze volunteer (who could be your bishop, the prophet..etc.) and he told me to go down a certain path. I hurried and told my group, but not all of them followed me. We got separated. Sometimes in life we are going to be separated for some time from our family members. The four of us that followed the  path suggested, finished faster (1:07) and had a little old man write down our time. It was like coming to the gates of the heaven. We crossed the bridge and headed to our destination.

We had to wait fifteen minutes for the rest of our group. It was an interesting concept to me, to wait. I thought about Andrew, as I often do, more often then I might say. I sometimes think I talk about him too much. I don't want people to get tired of it quickly. But I did think of him. I thought of Andrew….and how he finished the corn maze before me…and now he has to wait on me. Both sides must wait. Being on the side waiting for the others who were behind us…it kind of let me know that he's okay, and I should be okay too. He's just waiting, like me.

Then the other half of our group rejoined us and after some bantering back and forth, we all laughed and went to lunch.

I know when I come over that bridge it will be even more exciting and joyous. And I'm sure Andrew and Dad will say, "We've been waiting!"

My corn maze family! They're awesome!

I love you,
Arica

The Secret to the Red Sox World Series Win

As I look back on the baseball season, I realize that all of my superstitions don't mean anything. They didn't help the Red Sox win.

I wouldn't wash any of my Redsox stuff from the first game of the season thinking it would wash away our luck. Call me gross...but baseball/Red Sox fans are hard core.

I also, had Fenway Park on my Facebook cover photo and believed if I changed it, that it would hurt their mojo.

All of those supersitions don't matter. Someone accidentally washed a shirt of mine, then I washed one myself, and then I just decided it didn't matter because we kept winning anyways.

When Andrew passed I didn't want to change my cover photo, but I thought better of it. I changed it. I knew it was just a picture and it didn't really matter. I wanted a picture of my siblings all together and that was more important.

What did help us win? What was the true key factor in this season? My family. We have been united in our love for the Red Sox for many years and even with the tragedies that have come, the Red Sox remain an uniting passion. (Of course besides our faith.) We watched as a family when they won in 2004, we watched together in 2007, and we watched together in 2013. The Red Sox are more than just a team we love, it's the uniting and love of a family. I will always love them for bringing us together whether we're all present or not.

Red Sox nation.... Boston Strong. Family Strong. Gospel Strong. 

I love you,

Arica

More Lessons to Come

I have learned one thing, okay two things:

1. You never ever know what is going to happen in your life. You can't make your own plans. Our life is truly in the hands of our Creator. We never know when we are going to leave this life.
Are you prepared?

My good mission friend and college roommate posted this on Facebook the other day:

I heard a knock on the door and instead of yelling, "come in" I decided to answer it. I opened it and saw my apartment manager standing there, she asked "is your apartment fit for a tour?" I hesitated as I saw a couple of pans on the stovetop and some dishes in the sink. I said, "Well we have some stuff here and there, but I can clean it up real quick" she said, "oh don't worry about it I will go check in another apartment"

As she left I was taught by the spirit this: "Is your life fit for a tour for the Savior? If He knocks, will you answer? And will your life be clean or will you always have some stuff laying here and a little there?" 

I am so thankful to know that my baby brother was ready. On October 10, 2013 Andrew, left this life. I have no doubt that he was living his life in the best way possible. Of course, I am so sad and I really really miss him. I do take comfort in those painful moments because of the type of person that he strove to be. This is one of those fastballs of life and it came out of no where. Now I'm thinking, and I'm thinking hard.

What do I need to change in my life? What is most important? Am I doing the daily necessary things that will bring me closer to Christ? How can I be more kind? How can I effect someone's life for the better? What would people say at my own funeral? How prepared am I?

So many things to ponder, and ways to be better, it's overwhelming. I take comfort in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that I am forever being carried, sustained, and completed by Him. So the real question to ask yourself is: Am I effectively using the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my life?

2. The importance of keeping a record of your life.

Since the day Andrew passed I have cherished words by friends, family, and complete strangers in their condolences. Everyone has been so loving beyond what words can express, and I love you all. Just know that. All who have reached out, brought a meal, organized something, just sat with us, shared funny stories, and started a movement in his name...THANK YOU! There's really no other way to say it....oh wait...I like all of these to describe how I feel:

grateful, thankfulness, thanks, appreciation, indebtedness

The best things (and sometimes the hardest) to read are from Andrew himself. Rereading his emails, letters, and journal make me feel closer to him. He wasn't writing to any one person in his journal and didn't know his audience, but it caused a comfort that I can't explain. I remember reading my Dad's mission journal a couple years after his passing and it was amazing to get into his thoughts again. Their words leap off the pages and it's like they're in the room with me. Then the war inside starts after reading these things, I love feeling them so close, but it also makes it harder to accept that they're not here. I think over time it will get easier, but I still see the importance of writing. (Hence, the reason I'm writing on my blog again.) Take note of your thoughts, the people in your life, and what you learned from your experiences. 

Your posterity is NOW...not just with your great- grandchildren. 

I want to testify that I know that there is a God in heaven; He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins AND to succor us when we're hurt, alone, or sick. I know that it's through the power of that sacrifice that families can be bound together in the temple for time and all eternity. I will be with Andrew and Dad again. I know this because of the promises I've made with my Heavenly Father. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has so many answers to offer. If you have eternal questions,  PLEASE ask me or go to mormon.org. This experience has only strengthened my faith in Christ and it has changed the rest of my life. 

I love you,

Arica